Hysterectomy Panic sets in!

Tomorrow at 5am I go into the hospital for my Total Hysterectomy. I am currently freaking out!  I cannot help but think of all the bad things that can happen.  It all started 2 days ago when I went in for pre-op and pretty much had to initial next to each and every complication that could happen during the surgery saying that I understand the risks.  I know there is like a 1% chance any of these things could happen, but I am so scared I am that 1%. 

Not to mention the whole finality of never having a baby again.  Which seems really ridiculous since 5 years ago we decided we were finished having kids and my Husband got a vasectomy.  But for some reason I am starting to get emotional about the whole thing.  Once it's out, you cannot put it back. What if in 5 more years we decide we do want more kids??  Ugh. Like that will happen, but what-if? 

I know that most, if not all, Women have these feelings right before this operation, and I have been blessed with really great Friends and Family who are super supportive, and I thought that their experiences would help me get over my fear of this surgery.  So far, I am still scared!  I have all of these "What ifs" floating around in my head. I wish I could be one of those really confident people who walk into surgery feeling like nothing can touch them, and they have no fear, but I am not.  I cannot help but sit around and worry about each and every one of those complications I just initialed next to and worry that I may be the one out of 10,000 women who experience the worst of it.

I dropped my little ones off at my Aunts this evening and almost broke down on the way home worrying about all kinds of things, like if anything happens to me, who is going to take care of them? Will they be OK? I can't stand the thought of their little hearts breaking. I just wanted to stand there and hold them for as long as I could before I had to come home and get my things all ready for tomorrows adventure. 

 I know that my worries and fears are slightly irrational considering this surgery is one of the most common surgeries women have and the risks are rare. 

 At any rate, I will be up and at em' extremely early in the morning to head to the hospital, I am sure I will be a nervous wreck!  I am hoping that all goes well.

 I will write more afterwards about my recovery. 

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