Being a Mother, without a Mother.
So, with Mother's Day a few days away, I cannot help but wonder what it would be like to have my Mom here, to be able to write her a nice card and to send her a bouquet of flowers and find the perfect gift that I know she would love. She would open it, her eyes would tear up and she would thank me at least a dozen times.
But I can't, and won't ever be able to do that again.....
You see, my Mom passed away 8 years ago, June. It was sudden, we were not prepared, and even now, it's difficult to think about. I am still not ready to let go and it still hurts. It has changed me as a person to lose my Mom when I need her the most. My kids were just babies, and not having your Mom there to guide you through that is difficult. There are many times when I need advice or guidance and I will reach for the phone to call her, but there is no number to Heaven.
This Sunday, my kids and Husband will spend the day making me feel special, and I absolutely love every second I get to spend with them. But there will be a void, there will be an empty chair, and there will be no one for me to pamper. I will be thinking about her.
Granted, we did not always see eye to eye, and there were times when we would go months without speaking to one another at various times while I was growing up. It wasn't until I became a Mother myself that I truly understood that while, she had her faults, we are all just kind of winging it and trying to find what works best for us on this parenting journey. There really is no perfect way to raise a family.
My Mom had a heart of Gold, she was a best friend to everyone she met, she would give the shirt off her back to someone in need, even if it was her last shirt. She was funny and kind and full of love. I can only hope that I have even half of that part of her in me.
I learned that, sometimes people make choices in life that they think at the time are the right choices to make. Sometimes you're right and sometimes you're wrong. It's all about growing up and finding your own way. She taught me that.
A few years before she passed away, she moved here to Florida from Alabama because she needed better healthcare for her kidney problems. In that time, we began to reconnect and it was amazing to be able to get to know my Mom as a person, as an adult, and to try and understand the choices she'd made in life. In that, what seems like now, a short amount of time, I felt that we were able to bond again. We had some great times together. She did her best, even though her health wasn't always good, to spend time with me and my family. She also apologized. That was huge. Not that she did anything wrong, like I said, there is no perfect way to raise a family. But I feel like it was something that she really needed to say, it was also something I needed to hear. Even though it was never her intention, I grew up feeling that I wasn't favored by her. I accepted her apology and we moved on from what was once a troubled relationship to a Mother/Daughter relationship. We laughed, we cried, we had late night conversations on the couch, we went fishing, and we learned a lot about each other.
And then, she was gone.
No goodbye.
All I have left of her are photos and a few sentimental items.
All I have left to hold of her is a teddy bear made for me out of her clothing.
So this Mother's Day
Call your Mom.
Give her a card.
Send her Flowers.
Buy/Make her a gift.
Tell her that you love her.
Even if you don't see eye to eye, and even if you haven't spoken in awhile. Don't regret missing an opportunity to get to know the woman who brought you into this world.
I thank God everyday for giving me those last few years with my Mom.
Happy Mother's Day to all of you beautiful Mommies out there.
And to my Angel Mommy.
But I can't, and won't ever be able to do that again.....
You see, my Mom passed away 8 years ago, June. It was sudden, we were not prepared, and even now, it's difficult to think about. I am still not ready to let go and it still hurts. It has changed me as a person to lose my Mom when I need her the most. My kids were just babies, and not having your Mom there to guide you through that is difficult. There are many times when I need advice or guidance and I will reach for the phone to call her, but there is no number to Heaven.
This Sunday, my kids and Husband will spend the day making me feel special, and I absolutely love every second I get to spend with them. But there will be a void, there will be an empty chair, and there will be no one for me to pamper. I will be thinking about her.
Granted, we did not always see eye to eye, and there were times when we would go months without speaking to one another at various times while I was growing up. It wasn't until I became a Mother myself that I truly understood that while, she had her faults, we are all just kind of winging it and trying to find what works best for us on this parenting journey. There really is no perfect way to raise a family.
My Mom had a heart of Gold, she was a best friend to everyone she met, she would give the shirt off her back to someone in need, even if it was her last shirt. She was funny and kind and full of love. I can only hope that I have even half of that part of her in me.
I learned that, sometimes people make choices in life that they think at the time are the right choices to make. Sometimes you're right and sometimes you're wrong. It's all about growing up and finding your own way. She taught me that.
A few years before she passed away, she moved here to Florida from Alabama because she needed better healthcare for her kidney problems. In that time, we began to reconnect and it was amazing to be able to get to know my Mom as a person, as an adult, and to try and understand the choices she'd made in life. In that, what seems like now, a short amount of time, I felt that we were able to bond again. We had some great times together. She did her best, even though her health wasn't always good, to spend time with me and my family. She also apologized. That was huge. Not that she did anything wrong, like I said, there is no perfect way to raise a family. But I feel like it was something that she really needed to say, it was also something I needed to hear. Even though it was never her intention, I grew up feeling that I wasn't favored by her. I accepted her apology and we moved on from what was once a troubled relationship to a Mother/Daughter relationship. We laughed, we cried, we had late night conversations on the couch, we went fishing, and we learned a lot about each other.
And then, she was gone.
No goodbye.
All I have left of her are photos and a few sentimental items.
All I have left to hold of her is a teddy bear made for me out of her clothing.
So this Mother's Day
Call your Mom.
Give her a card.
Send her Flowers.
Buy/Make her a gift.
Tell her that you love her.
Even if you don't see eye to eye, and even if you haven't spoken in awhile. Don't regret missing an opportunity to get to know the woman who brought you into this world.
I thank God everyday for giving me those last few years with my Mom.
Happy Mother's Day to all of you beautiful Mommies out there.
And to my Angel Mommy.
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