A decade ago...

As I sit on my front porch, listening to the birds chirp, and watching the sun slowly fade away, I cannot help but think about my Mom.  10 years ago today she passed away. And I know what some of you may be thinking, "Oh gosh, not another post about your Mom". But how else do we keep her memory alive, if we stop talking about her, posting about her and remembering her? 

The day she died, we didn't just lose her, we lost a decade of  Birthdays, Christmases, Easter Sundays, Mothers Days; we lost a decade of  memories with her. There will always be an empty seat at the table, and it's not something that is easy to get over. 

As we were going through old photos the other day, my youngest, who was just a few moths old at the time she passed away, picked up a picture that had Mom in it and looks at me and asks, "Who's this?" And it dawned on me then that even though she's heard about her MawMaw her whole life, and has photos of her, she doesn't actually have any memories of  her, she didn't get the chance to get to know her well enough to be able to recognize her in an old photo. That broke my heart, and reminded me of how important it is to keeping her memory alive, because even though they may not have memories of her, I don't want them to forget that their MawMaw loved them more than anything!

So I will continue to share the memories I have of her. The goofy booty dance she was known for, her sense of humor, her heart of gold, the fact that she paid attention to what you said enough to remember, without fail, the one gift you really wanted, but thought you may never get and she went back and bought it for you just to see the excited look on your face. Her watering a plastic plant for months before she realized it wasn't real and then continuing to water it for awhile after, 'just in case'. I remember her bright smile, and positive attitude (most of the time), even when things were not going so well. She always put on a brave face for those around her so we would not worry. I remember her working hard as a single parent to put food on the table for us kids, even though she didn't always like the work. I remember how excited she was each time she found out she was going to be a grandparent, and her eyes fill with pride every time she was around them. I remember spades and brandy wine on Saturday nights , sailing in the summertime, playing Playstation for hours on end, even though she would hog the controller. I remember fishing at our favorite spot, and late night talks about nothing in particular. I remember her and I miss her everyday. 

I cry for the decade of memories we have lost out on and my kids not ever getting the chance to really get to know her. But I smile at the memories I do have and I smile knowing that she's looking down on us, even though I am a little selfish in wishing she was still here. 

RIP Momma, we love you and still think of you everyday!